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Fun with Philosophy: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road

Philosophy isn't exactly a popular subject of conversation these days, but it could be. It could even be fun to summarize what certain philosophies are all about. Here are some ways that advocates of certain philosophical systems may respond to the question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?': The Rationalist - There really is no proof that the chicken crossed the road. Scientists have never seen any chickens do so, and all of the evidence points to the contrary. Chickens are not known for crossing roads, state ornithologists. Studies have shown that chickens are territorial animals and do not venture far, so the story of the chicken crossing the road is most likely a myth or urban legend. The Nihilist - Who cares? The Existentialist - Did the chicken really cross the road? Maybe it just seems that way. Even if you did see this alleged chicken cross what you call a road, who's to say that what you saw was real? The Pragmatist - To get to the other side. The Machiavellian - So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. ( The Relativist - There is no wrong answer to why the chicken crossed the road. It's really a matter of personal opinion. The Darwinist - It was the logical next step after escaping from the coop. The Individualist - To find itself apart from the world it has known all its life and make a name for itself. The chicken knew that on the other side of the road it would no longer have to depend on the farmer's feed, and would be freed from the boring life the other chickens on the farm were bound to. By crossing the road, the chicken started a legacy that we're still talking about today. We should all look to the chicken as a role model. The Utilitarian - According to most recent statistics there were too many chickens on the side it was on, so it was cast out by the others for the greater good of society. The Realist: Because he realized his dreams would never come true. The Hedonist - Just for fun. Rousseau - Because the land on the other side belongs to the chicken just as much as it does to anyone else Karl Marx - The chicken crossing the road marked the rise of the proletariat class against the higher classes. By crossing the road, this renowned chicken established an identity for the other chickens, who were suppressed by the other animals on the farm. Ever since the chicken crossed the road, chickens have been rising through the ranks of the farm society. Aristotle - To obtain happiness. Plato - You must not wonder that those chickens who succeed in crossing the road are unwilling to cross back over to the side where they began; for their souls are ever hastening toward that which is on the other side where they desire to dwell; which desire of theirs is very natural.

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