top of page

Transmissions and Transitions: Finding Stability in Change and Brokenness

"Don't force it!" That's what people say as we try to bend a tool or toy to our will, in attempt to fix it. "You might break it." That part of the logical suggestion always puzzled me. It's already broken. How much worse can it get? Is that really why I shouldn't force it?

Imagined with Midjourney

This is the new situation I'm in, kind of. The transmission in my Dodge Journey is broken, so the mechanics say. It still runs, but it clunks hard when I shift gears and revs up when I accelerate past 40 miles per hour. The temptation to force my vehicle forward, despite the transmission problems, is very real. Gig driving work is half my income, and I committed to use that gig to get out of debt.

So, should I force it to remain true to my commitment, or should I take a hint from my transmission and just transition to another way of life? The SUV is not so broken that I can't use it. I use broken things all of the time, as long as they serve the purpose I want them to serve. Using a broken thing comes with its own kind of freedom; it's already on its last leg so I might as well wear it out and let it break for good with the dignity it deserves, doing what it was made to do. So, if it's already broken, it has less to lose.

on the other hand though, and more relevantly, forcing something or someone to do something is hardly ever the right way. If you have to force it, it's probably not meant to be.

"Cause you don't owe nobody nothin', except God above Go out and go after the things in life you love Don't try to force it if it ain't goin' smooth The one person that you should never try to fool is you." --Practice What I Preach, Hank Williams, Jr.

I heard that song as I was trying to decide what to do next. Ironically, in my case, I wouldn't be practicing what I preached if I didn't force my vehicle to go on, because I preached and promised to get out debt by doing driving gigs.

But then again, for years I've been doing ridesharing and deliveries to help cover my bills, and this has kept me from realistically going after the things in life I love. So, I am sorry, but once again I have to go back on my word. I promised to use my Dodge Journey to complete my journey back into the black. Now it looks like I will have to find another way.

I could take the risk, make as much money I can in the meantime ridesharing a delivering, and just deal with the worst if or when it comes. But that seems to be forcing it.

Why am I letting my dreams and vision sit on the sidelines? Life is telling me nothing else is working out anyway, so I might as well do what I was made to do. In a previous post, I said I love rideshare and delivery work, and I do. It may still play a part in God's plan for me. The same goes for real estate. But, while I love gig driving work, and while I see the need for certain changes in the real estate business, there is only one interest in my life that is something I love, something that is needed, and something I've been told I am good at; that one thing is writing.

So, roll your eyes, because I'm about to make yet another commitment while fearfully admitting that I am horrible at keeping them. I will write because it's the right thing for me to do. I will write because it's what's right for me, come what may.

If I'm going to do that, I need to pick up one of the few novels I started writing. The problem there is the drafts of my novels are all over the place, typical of a rambling spirit. The challenge I am now faced with is transitioning from one scene to another, one chapter to another. This is also the challenge I face in my own life, so all of these situations I am explaining now are so appropriate they almost seem intentional, not planned by me but perhaps planned by God. Who else could notice exactly what I need? Who else could see how I was desperately trying to get out debt, working beyond reason with an SUV that was falling apart? The question simply is, "What do I do now that my vehicle isn't working?" Problems with my transmission have presented me with the challenge of transitioning from one lifestyle to another, just as I am struggling to figure out what the next step should be for the characters in my novels. Such is life. It's frustrating, even devitalizing, but I wouldn't have it any other way because it's life and it's real.


Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page